An Advertising Tribute to Abe Vigoda

By: Bob Meagher, SVP/Associate Creative Director

Monday Abe Vigoda died. I started getting a flurry of emails from co-workers past and present alerting me of the news. The reason was immediately obvious. Anyone who has known my work and me for some time knows that in 2007 I wrote a campaign when we were pitching an account for a product that had potential health benefits. I used Abe Vigoda as the Spokesman. This was pre Snickers. So I went to my old hard drive and found the scripts.

People magazine had mistakenly referred to Abe as being deceased in 1982. Being somewhat of a health product, I thought Abe would be the perfect spokesman. So here’s how the first script went. Unfortunately our lawyers are requiring that I disguise the name and product of the actual client. So for the purposes of this article we will refer to the product as “Health Product.”

“ABE VIGODA INTRO”

:30

OPEN ON ABE VIGODA IN A CASKET. HIS EYES ARE CLOSED.

SUPER: Abe Vigoda. 1921-2007

VO: Ladies and gentlemen, the late Abe Vigoda.

ABE OPENS HIS EYES.

ABE: I made this commercial in anticipation of my death to tell you about living a healthier lifestyle. There’s only one problem. I can’t seem to die. So we’ve decided to run this commercial now to tell you about Health Product. Health Product comes in several delicious flavors. I like strawberry. It’s packed with loads of healthy nutrients. So take my advice. Don’t smoke. Eat right. And whatever you do, take plenty of Health Product.

ABE FAKES A HEART ATTACK AND THEN CHUCKLES

ABE: Just kidding.

CUT TO PRODUCT

VO: Health Product. It works.

Now this was a nice idea at the time and all, but where I thought the campaign really took off was the three following scripts. In these, we would film the spots while Abe was still living and only air them after he actually died for real. Which was Monday. The only thing I have changed on the following scripts is the name of the product, the flavors (Thank you lawyers) and the year 2016.

“ABE VIGODA/TASTE”

:30

SUPER: Abe Vigoda. 1921-2016

VO: Ladies and gentlemen, the late Abe Vigoda.

ABE: Okay, so it finally happened. I’m really dead. We all have to go sometime. I just want you to know that my passing had nothing to do with Health Product. Now there will be some of you that will see this message as being tasteless. In that case I would suggest you try the chocolate, kiwi or the mango strawberry. Your taste buds won’t know what hit them.

CUT TO PRODUCT

VO: Health Product. It works.

“ABE VIGODA/LETTERS”

:30

SUPER: Abe Vigoda. 1921-2016

VO: Ladies and gentlemen, the late Abe Vigoda.

ABE: Well it was just a matter of time before Health Product started getting angry letters. Here’s one.

READS LETTER

ABE: Dear Health Product. How dare you use that poor deceased Abe Vigoda to sell your product. Your tactics have hit a new low. Signed, Barbara Hamilton. Well Barbara, don’t be angry with Health Product. I am doing this of my own free will. It’s not like they’re holding a gun to my head. It’s way too late for that.

CUT TO PRODUCT

VO: Health Product. It works.

“ABE VIGODA/FINAL THOUGHT”

:30

SUPER: Abe Vigoda. 1921-2016

VO: Ladies and gentlemen, the late Abe Vigoda.

ABE: Hello. The past couple of weeks have been very hectic. What with the controversy of these Health Product commercials and the funeral arrangements, I haven’t had time to breathe. So before I go I would like to leave you with one final thought…

DIRECTOR: Cut! Okay, we’re breaking for lunch!

ABE: Lunch? What? But I…

DIRECTOR: Sorry union rules.

CUT TO PRODUCT

VO: Health Product. It works.

So there you have it. We didn’t win the “Health Product” account, but if we had, I think the great Abe Vigoda would have loved these spots, even if it meant waiting another nine years for them to run.

By the way, that hard drive is chock full of other great ideas that have never been made. Would be really easy to change the client name like I did with “Health Product.” Just call The Martin Agency and tell them you want that old quirky writer with all the great ideas that no one ever buys, and the agency lawyer on your account.